Idea of Pain in Retrospect

IDEA OF PAIN IN RETROSPECT

for David

elephants

dust

loyalty

dust

suppers

dust

eternity

no one likes a crybaby.

I steeled myself and kept the river inside,

never privy to my own grief.

my keening in dreams, cut short when I awoke

to an empty room, an empty home.

my walking staff is too strong for me –

when I lean forward, I cannot pitch to my knees.

let me never be trapped in memory,

dust coating my bleeding hands,

my callouses too rough for your beautiful skin.

I bare my face for your approval;

only my deepest mask remains intact,

peered beneath in moments of intimacy.